Proud

I sit here hungry, bored, dreading class, hung the hell over and best of all proud!!!

I have had a couple more good days. But thats not why. Not exactly, anyway.

Yesterday I got home from school, and after my 1.5+ hour Pintrest binge.. I sat down and did homework for aprox 4 hours.. Straight! It felt good to actually be productive. To have something to turn in at 8 this morning (after my hungover self finally got to class). I really have been struggling with motivation and lack of productivity the last few weeks so the change was much appreciated.

But thats still not it.

The hangover had to come from somewhere, right? Lately they have been coming from episodes. You know, that just blah, worthless, ashmed, tired, wore out, angry feeling after the BPD takes your body over.

Thats not what its from.

The reason I am a proud girl today: successful Boot Night. (Boot Night is thurs at one of our bars. You get cheap drinks in a boot shaped glass)

I scrambeled to get my homework done by 9 so we could go out. We get there and in goes the whiskey. Mmmm :) And more whiskey. And maybe some more... And you get the idea. I had my fair share. And guess what?! Nothing bad happened!!!!!!!

I kept control all night. Told the BPD to shove it. Had a blast. Cole had a blast. Life was good. Especially once I found us a ride clear the heck out to our house. But thats beside the point.

Alcohol+me=good, this time around.

I pray all nights out end up like that.

I am happy with myself.
I am very proud of myself.
Cole is proud of me.
Our relationship strengthened.

I realistically couldnt ask for a better night.